a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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