just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
