i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
