Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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