Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
