sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
