did you get engaged???
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
