Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
