They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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