My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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