I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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