I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
