There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
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I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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