I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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