My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
