That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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