I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
