Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
