I cannot find my penis.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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