He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
