Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
