I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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