Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
