there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
