In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
