I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
