apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Boobs are out for the taking
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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