Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Randomize
