If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
