i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
NoShamevember. You game?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
