I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
