he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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