i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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