i don't like sucking hair
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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