girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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