Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
