I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
there is glitter all over my balls
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
