I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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