I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
