i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
