I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
