I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Found the puke drawer
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
