You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
