They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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