He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
