my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
