Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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