Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
