Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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