just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
