Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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