You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
