Do you still have your period?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
