You're a womanizer and a bitch.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
