if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
