First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize