I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
