dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
