Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
