3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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