Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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