Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
