I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
