kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
